I am going to absolutely, positively SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS if...

I see one more man urinating in public! Guys, guys, guys, here's a news flash for you: THEY'VE INVENTED INDOOR PLUMBING! Have you no pride or shame? What the hell kind of parenting did you have, and even more importantly, what the hell kind of parents are you, if you even care about being a parent? And don't even think about hitting on me. I only date civilized men.

I see one more non-football story about Terrell Owens! Puh-leez. The man has been an attention whore from day one. I would not be the least bit surprised if his latest shanigans with the pills was a "work" to temper his upcoming return to Philadelphia. I know that Philly sports fans take a bum rap about who and what they boo, but I hope that they boo T.O.'s inhaling & exhaling. He could easily just stick to playing football, and on his ability alone, he would be considered a great man, but, nooooooo! I am soooo sick of this guy.

I hear one more Einstein say "MY BAD!" Geniuses, the correct phrase goes "I'm sorry, I made a mistake." Or, "I goofed." I would settle for "I screwed up." Read carefully, please: "MY BAD" IS HORRIBLE GRAMMAR! IT SOUNDS ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, WITHOUT ANY QUESTION WHATSOEVER, STUPID!!! And people who say it look stupid. If you have to say "My bad", then you don't need to talk to me. Just keep adding to your rap sheet.

I hear one more "clever" sportscaster or one more fan's sign refer to the Miami Dolphins as "The Fish". You've seen those signs, "SQUISH THE FISH", or something like that. Or some media dork goes something like "The Fish have their work cut out for them against the Bills." Let me just say this, as quickly, and succinctly, and as subtle, as I, Little Ol' Irene, your friendly neighborhood blogger, can possibly say it:
DOLPHINS ARE NOT FISH, MORONS! THEY'RE MAMMALS!!! SCHOOLS TEACH YOU THAT FACT AROUND SIXTH OR 7TH GRADE!!"

Here's a late addition to the topic table: You're talking to someone, could be on the phone, could be over dinner, anywhere, really, and you're telling them a story, or anecdote, or something. You are just about to get to the payoff part, the punchline, the highlight, and then suddenly THEY JUMP IN AND FINISH THE STORY! And not as well as you would have. If they're going to tell my story, then there's really no point in my telling it in the first place. This has happened to me several times, especially on dates, and it drives me up the freakin' wall! Then they wonder why I won't see them again. Instant deal-killer. JUST LET ME FINISH MY GODDAM STORY! Is that so damn hard? A little courtesy, please? That is sooo rude.

There, I've said it. Yes, I do feel better. Breathing into the paper bag helped a great deal. I may be pretty, but my screaming isn't.